page ONE
On 22nd November 1978, two strange visitors came to the
sleepy town of Mount Shasta City, California.
The two, who travelled by unconventional means, emerged from the alley between Shirley Ringer's diner and the abandoned True Pine Lumber office. The little man in the cream linen suit cheerfully tipped his hat to three passers-by resulting in an odd conversation. His young female friend listened curiously. At the diner, they had pie. A mild issue of payment was settled satisfactorily.
***
This is stuff that really happened, but it's not my diary or anything like that. It's my story. You see, I was that young female friend who had pie. This happened a long time ago and a lot has happened since, so I've had to rely on old memories (hazy), guesses (wild) and cut & paste articles from the internet (convenient).
I'm Dorothy McShane (Hello!), but back then I was Ace. The little man in the cream linen suit is the Doctor, but back then he was the Professor, except when I was angry or irritated at him (frequent) or being obedient (rare).
So, fair warning. This is all memories and guesses, like I said, and I'll tell it the way I want. For example, I'm getting ready to skip ahead thirty-five years.
***
On 27th November 2013, (See?), a single strange visitor comes to the sleepy town of Mount Shasta City, California.
She is me, a mature woman, but still sturdy and healthy. I drive a rented '72 'Cuda someone has painted blue. It's roomy, but nothing like my old ride.
The rangers try to talk me out of it. No surprise. Tell Dorothy McShane she can't do something? That always works. In twenty minutes I have my wilderness permit, summit pass and a written apology.
Worst time of the year to climb the mountain, they say, but I knew that already. I did my homework, like the Professor said I should. I don't rush in anymore. I already knew that the weather had been unseasonably warm, but there were no active avalanche warnings. There had been snow the week before but down here it is almost melted. Up there, it is shallow and crusted and would only make the climb easier. Not that that matters. I am going. I have a promise to keep.
I only wish I knew what it was.
***
'Have a good day!' said the man in the robe, 'Hello there!'
All morning, ever since the Professor told me we'd be taking a 'little detour' from my 'orientation' (by which he meant, 'learn my rules'), my imagination had been ablaze. Would we visit Earth's past again? Travel to another planet? Or (as I feared) would it just be another visit to another alien shop or bazaar? I swear, the man loved haggling but he never seemed to purchase anything. Which is handy when you always forget to carry money, despite my constant reminders. Anyway, he wouldn't tell me.
I'd wiped the last of the sleepy-dust from my eyes, the TARDIS had landed and we strode forth bravely. I was deflated to see a dingy alley full of trash bins. Then I saw a familiar bottle.
'Coca-Cola? Professor, we're on Earth? Again?'
He scowled and I changed my tune.
'It's okay, Professor. I was just looking forward to something more...'
'Wicked? Brill? Ace, you underestimate the importance of twentieth century Earth.'
Uh-oh, lecture time. 1) Don't interrupt. 2) Let him finish. 3) Act appreciative.
'It's here, now and in the beginning years of the twenty-first, that Earth becomes a matter of galactic interest. You're becoming interconnected, global, a unified species. The people of your time are the template of the future. Your taste in music and clothing and food will influence your descendants for countless eons to come. This is the proverbial 'it', the cradle of the many Earth Empires to come. But now, you're just amateurs. You're announcing yourselves to the galaxy with no regard for the consequences. Did you know that races infinitely wiser than yours have declared your world a quarantine zone? Right this moment there's a ring of cloaked satellites up there telling the colonisers, the entrepreneurs, the invaders, the missionaries and the merely curious to leave this world alone or face the consequences!'
Okay, I had to interrupt. 'Leave this world alone'?
'Not stopping you, is it, Professor?'
He frowned, 'I'm the consequences. And stop calling me 'Professor'!'
'Sorry, Doc – Hey! Look at that awesome mountain!'
We'd cleared the alley, and I had my first look at Shasta. I don't know why, but I fell in love and awe right then and there. Shasta's not a very big mountain. She's just another extinct volcano. Mountaineers don't rate her a hard climb. But there's something to her that's hard to describe. There's a mystery in her symmetry, like you can sense her weird history just by seeing her. Later, I'd read about the things that happened there; there were said to be survivors of the ancient land Lemuria living inside. A man claimed to meet St. Germain up there. Sasquatch (the Professor calls them 'skinny Yetis') are rumoured to roam the slopes. But even if you don't know about her history, the mountain seems to watch you.
I knew I would climb her one day, and was about to ask the Professor if we could do it now, when someone said, 'Have a good day! Hello there!'
Three men stood on the side-walk outside the diner. Except for the star-covered robes they wore, they looked like the first line of a racist joke. The white man who'd addressed us was smiling expectantly while his Asian and black companions frowned. The Professor tipped his hat.
'Well, hello yourself! I'm the Doctor and this is my friend Ace!' he said.
'Thank you for greeting us so kindly,' said the man. 'Would you be so helpful as to give us directions?'
The Asian man hissed, 'Don't talk to the locals!'
Our new friend turned to him. 'Be quiet, Cap. It won't do any harm.'
'Please excuse my friend,' he said to us, 'but could I entreat you to tell us where the Bigfoot live?'
***
The rangers keep the road to Bunny Flat open as long as they can. I've traded in the 'Cuda for a sturdy Jeep and as I climb through the forests the details begin to trickle back. As I park in the deserted lot on the lower slope of the mountain, the memories begin to collate. I remember coffee, pie and adventurous expectancy.
In the boot, my climbing gear. Crampons, a fur-collared parka, a hunting rifle (for bear, I tell myself), survival pack. I collect my gear, lock up and listen to the big silence.
I'm back, I tell the mountain, myself and anyone listening.
'Listen, mister. I don't care if it is ten percent
beryllium, it ain't legal tender!'
Peace Spenser, on the day we met, had already had a bad morning. She'd woke up feeling disconnected and groggy, as usual. The spacious house was chilly, the breakfast her mother left on the counter was cold. The sky was gloomy as she walked to work. Her feet already ached when she arrived at the diner. Business was slow with the holidays. Small mercy.
And now this: Me, blushing a bit, and the Professor, irritated. Two customers who ate pie, drank coffee and tried to pay with an array of novelty coinage.
Poor Peace.
'Professor,' I said, 'what did I tell you about money? Is this going to happen every time we land?'
'The matter seldom arose before,' he said. 'Stay here, Ace. I'll be back.'
'You'd better!'
I smiled at the waitress. 'I'm sorry. He's absentminded, is all. Your name is Peace? That's brill! I'm Ace, and that was the Professor. I used to be a waitress, too, so I know how this looks. Don't worry, he'll be back with the right money. If he doesn't, I'll thump him.'
Peace smiled back. She was about eighteen, I guess. Sort of skinny, pale and blond-haired. Pretty, in a weary way.
'Sure, then. You can do it out back. I'll loan you a baseball bat,' she said.
She grinned then, and her eyes twinkled, and I saw that under the exhaustion she was actually quite beautiful. We laughed. I looked around – the diner was empty.
'Will you get in trouble if you sit down?' I asked, and she said no, Shirley was cool.
'So,' she said, 'are you in town for Thanksgiving? You guys have family here?'
'Oh, it's Thanksgiving! That's why you have turkeys and puritans everywhere!', I said, 'And I don't have a family. It's just the Professor and me.'
'Oh... you're his student?'
Which is the diplomatic way of asking why a sixteen year old girl is travelling with an older man. People never seem to ask the Professor why he travels with a young girl. They just accept it and move on. Me, I get the third degree. At least Peace wasn't leering.
'Yeah, sort of, I guess, but not really. The Professor got me out of a tight spot. I'm his assistant, like. I watch his back. He's not funny or anything, if that's what you're asking. He's my best friend.'
She sipped coffee. 'Those coins were cool. What are they, tokens or something?'
Don't tell people about travelling, the Professor said. But Peace was nice.
'Would you believe me if I said they're from outer space?' I said, expecting another laugh.
'Of course not, silly. The Galactic Brotherhood banned all commerce eons ago. As the Immeasurable One has said, "All possessions and wealth are chains to the soul." The Space Brothers would deal harshly with an outbreak of forbidden Capitalism.'
What's that they say in screenplays?
(Beat)?
'Anyway, it's nice to sit down. My feet are killing me. Pass me the sugar, will you?'
***
As with all worthwhile endeavours, the foundation of the Social Empire of Galactic Brotherhood came at a painful cost. The galaxy at this time was troubled and unenlightened, and messages of peace and war were sent between the star planets.
On Mechavolcanus meetings were held between the Airless Brains and the Faction of Robot Hands, an unprecedented congress, wherein acceptance of the Terms of Wisdom paved the way for planetary unification. Thus, Mechavolcanus joined the Empire.
On Silinam Delta the ageless prophets of the Third Recursion were consulted, and the Unhinged Ultra confirmed their visions. All who resisted the Social Empire were doomed to soul extinction. Thus, Silinam Delta joined the Empire.
The dark ships of Zillotti Colony V resisted all attempts at peace until it became clear to the Ascended Commanders that total destruction was their only hope for spiritual awakening. And so, after the regretful termination of negotiations, the Space Brother fleet performed the Rite of Final Unction upon the heretics. Thus, Zillotti Colony V joined the Empire.
from, 'The Foundation of the Social Empire and What it Means to You!' (Illuminated Science Studies, Vol. 42. Published in 1963 by IDBSB Science Press, Mount Shasta City, CA)
***
It's an easy hike from Bunny Flat to Horse Camp; not climbing at all. But it's necessary if you want to avoid the accumulated centuries of scree and catch the route up Avalanche Gulch. That's where it starts, when you leave the gullies and trees and finally see the looming reality of the mountain above. I sit on a boulder for a moment, affixing my crampons. My helmet muffles the wind but, not for the last time, I hear it call my name.
***
'Ace! Pay attention!'
'Sorry, Professor. I thought I heard something.'
It was later in the day. We'd rented two rooms (after, naturally, initial naive assumptions on the Professor’s part) at the Shasta Motor Inn. The Professor paid cash, drawing bills from the huge roll of American twenties he'd used to buy breakfast. Now we were just walking around. The Professor was looking at people and buildings. I was distracted by the mountain.
'Good. Use your ears. Use your eyes, your nose, your skin. Let's see how observant you are.' He peered sideways at me. I was getting to know that look. It meant he was testing me. 'Pretend you are Sherlock Holmes,' he said, 'and tell me about Shasta.'
'Doctor... I hate this,' I said, 'You'll make me feel stupid.'
'Come on, Ace. We lead dangerous lives. We have to keep our wits about us. Remember Kane? Remember Sailor Jack and the brakeman on the Overland? Remember -'
'Okay, okay. Sorry, Professor.' I adjusted my backpack, taking care not to jostle the Nitro-9 I officially didn't have.
'All right. It's 1978. The day before Thanksgiving.'
'Oh, really?' He seemed pleased. 'That explains the turkeys and puritans.'
'Doc-tor...'
'Sorry, Ace. Please continue.'
'We're in Shasta, California. Weather is nice. Not many people out. Don't Americans go on holiday at Thanksgiving? That could explain why it's so quiet.'
'Enough with the facts. Think! What have we seen? Look around! What do you see?'
'Um, we've seen the three weirdos? They were right off, like they were all tripping on something. Or maybe Americans on a bus tour.'
'Good,' the Professor murmured, 'What else?'
My spider-sense tingled. I knew there had to be a reason the he'd brought us here.
'Got it! When that one talked to you he was speaking English... but when the other told to him lay off it was that TARDIS translation thingie. We heard English, but it wasn't!'
He stopped strolling and smiled at me. He beeped my nose. 'There, not stupid at all, are you, Ace? Now, tell me about your waitress friend again.'